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May. 27th, 2010 | 04:09 am

Happy birthday to Animakitty, long may he purr!

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Jan. 28th, 2010 | 08:04 am

I'm so happy it's almost over.

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travelling chibi-kyn

Nov. 26th, 2009 | 08:46 pm

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The Ugly Truth

Oct. 19th, 2009 | 07:35 pm
mood: depresseddepressed

I went into the doctor last Friday to make sure all my meds are in order before the health insurance runs out, and as I was being weighed I looked at the scale.


There are so many health problems that are related to being overweight, and we all know what they are. Add to that being diabetic, and yeah, I have some issues. Issues that need to be addressed.

It's hard, because a)all the women on my mother's side of the family are heavy. All of them. There's a huge genetic component to why I am the way I am, as a white fat diabetic woman. b) there is no real guarantee that the weight won't come back. Of all the people who diet every year, almost 90% gain it all back in five years or less. That is not encouraging. Like the diabetes, there's no fix for the fatness, I am going to have to deal with it every day for a very long time. c) it's very very VERY hard to admit that 1) I am this heavy and 2)I got myself here, all by myself. Yes, there are underlying factors, but I could be paying attention and care to myself and have a much smaller weight problem than I do.

SO many of the stuff I deal with about "not feeling so hot" are directly tied to this. My diabetes would be much easier to control, my energy level would be higher, I could go do more things if I didn't have to carry around all the surplus baggage.

It's time to change my habits, let go of pretending I don't care, and start acting like I matter enough to myself to be more vigilant about what I'm putting into my body and what I can do with it.

There's no magic pill. It's changing my diet, getting a lot more exercise, and remembering that it's for the rest of my life.

That TOTALLY sucks.

But I cannot weigh 287 pounds ever again. That number HAS to come down.

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In Search of the Great Pumpkin

Oct. 13th, 2009 | 05:45 pm

I went to the pumpkin patch at Lake View Farms on Sunday with my husband, sibs, and niece.

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Sep. 10th, 2009 | 10:22 pm
mood: bitchybitchy

So, I went back to school on the 24th of August for the latest six-week module.

This mod has been difficult for me. To start with, there is a lot of material to cover in both Pathology and Pharmacology, plus wrapping my mind around the minutiae of ICD-9 coding. (ICD-9 means International Classification of Diseases, 9th edition. This information is codified by the World Health Organization for reporting purposes, and is used to do statistical studies, track patient histories, and bill for insurance purposes.) It's really two term's worth of work stuffed into six weeks, so there is a lot of homework, nearly all of it mind-numbing.

All of the other students in the program have been together for several months, making me the intruder into their little group. It's very awkward, almost like being the new hire into a very small office, a very small office of only women. (back to that in a moment) All the little petty issues of who sits where and with whom have been firmly established, along with who may call our pathology instructor "Dave" (all of them) and who needs to be more respectful and call him Mr. Stump-Foughty (me). I am not part of the group yet. To be honest, they way they talk about each other when the target is out of the classroom does not make me really want to.

The instructor for my Pathology and Pharmacology is an expert in coding, but not in anything else. Lectures are straight from the textbook in Powerpoint slides, and are kind of a waste of time, since the instructor has none of his own expertise to add to the discussion. Added to this is that the pathology book is out of date and written with a definite slant towards the more conservative end of the moral spectrum. A discussion of cervical cancer states that in women, "certain sexual practices" raise the risk of cervical, uterine, and breast cancer. The message that comes across is that only straight women who have only one sexual partner and produce a child are at low risk for cancer in the reproductive system. In another section dealing with AIDS, it is straight out said that any sexual relations with a man who is anything but heterosexual is asking for an HIV infection.

This of course elicited a reaction from me of "how did this get past the editing process?!?". There falls a deep hush in the classroom and everyone stares at me, astonished I questioned the textbook's authority, and indeed the writer's idea of moral values. I also made a mild observation that it's an entire class of women, but both of the main instructors are male, which seems a bit unfair, and got stared at again. Oh dear. I am the new person, the outsider, and after a bit of conversation it is found that I am the most liberal and feminist of the group, not to mention an atheist who is going to hell. (That was an interesting conversation. I got asked where I went to church, and gently replied that I didn't, I am an atheist and don't find any evidence for a god or gods. Another member of the class blurts out "you know you're going to hell, right?" Next time, I'm just going to answer I was raised Methodist)

All this is to explain that I'm not very happy or comfortable with the way school has turned out this term. Add to the equation 30 lbs of books that cost me over $800 (some of them I will be using for a while, but still!).

I'm disappointed, really. I've always liked learning new things and am excited that I found something to learn that I can make a living doing, but it's turning out to be a dispiriting exercise in biting my tongue and withdrawing from the rest of the class.

Three weeks of the term left. I am going to get all the required work done, and hope that next mod after the October break is more friendly towards little me.

nota bene: I really, really am surprised by the conservative bent of the class, considering I live in a rather liberal city and most of the women are around my age. Usually I am one of the more conservative members of whatever group I'm in, but this is sadly changing as I reach my mid-thirties. Middle-aged women aren't very flexible or forgiving, I'm finding. What a drag.

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Sep. 8th, 2009 | 01:34 am

It's almost 2am, and I'm wide awake.

The anxiety seemed to be at a tolerable level for a while, but it's getting to where it's becoming crippling instead of just a pain to deal with. This holiday weekend was a lot of trying to hold on, to relax, to try to let go of the weight in my chest, but it's not really working. I guess it's time to go back to the psychiatrist and see what options there might be.

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Back on the feets

Jul. 31st, 2009 | 05:15 pm

I'm out of the cast, off the crutches, and the stitches have been out for four days now. It feels so good to get back into doing things again! And in a week and a day My husband and I are driving to Cali to visit friends. I am looking forward very much to spending time with friends, and my sweetie!

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All fall down

Jul. 21st, 2009 | 02:35 pm

I suppose everyone who knows me online has already heard this. Saturday morning I tripped and fell hard while walking Kismet. I severely sprained my right ankle and gashed my left knee open. I'm in a splint on my right foot, and had seven stitches put in my left knee. There are some wee bone fragments in the soft tissues of my injured ankle, which indicates how hard it got twisted (very). I'm on crutches til at least Monday when I go in for a follow up appointment and get the sutures taken out, probably longer. I am learning that while Vicodin is helpful, it's not all that, as I'm taking it every four hours to prevent breakthrough pain. I'm in a lot of pain, but I'm not miserable. I have lots to distract me, and time to read and knit while lounging in bed. This is going to lose it's glow in a few days, but I am already having an easier time getting to and from the loo, so things are improving.

anyway, I'm home for the next few weeks. How are all of you?

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Jul. 10th, 2009 | 09:33 pm

so, the digitized voice on my mate's Megatron toy sounds like it's yelling "I AM UNICRON!!" my husband disagrees with me, and claims that the toy is yelling "I AM MEGATRON!"

my husband, sadly, is wrong.

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